It's official (because it's happened): I moved to Urubamba and am working for Sonia at Living Heart.
To be perfectly honest I don't know how I feel about any of this. Urubamba is small and not exactly lively. I live in a room with no furniture, no kitchen or cooking places, cold-ish shower...and it looks like 6 or 7 months of this might get quite lonely. I live with 2 Australian girls who are part of a group of 10 18-year-old gap-year students. Their organization seems to be ripping them off worse that Maricarmen's...and they are 18 and I can handle them only in small doses.
The work is interesting, there are lots of opportunities to set up new projects, coordinate with people who want to support us internationally, develop what is already set up, Sonia is very genuine and motivated...but I feel like I might have lost the enthusiasm that brought me to Peru to begin with, I'm demotivated and tired of being ripped off and lied to, partly disillusioned with development work, and partly I am coming to realise that this kind of life, so far away from my family and other points of reference, alianating in a way because I mostly meet people who are about to leave or people I can't relate to, well, this life might not be for me.
Maybe this experience is what I needed to realise it's not how I want to live my life, I am learning and growing and seeing and experiencing and thinking and changing and I will, in the end, probably hopefully maybe, come up with a conclusion about what I want and what I don't and where I want to be and what is important to me. And I am still asking myself the same question I was asking myself 4 months ago before leaving: why can't I be happy living a life like one of my best friends, who never moved from her neighbourhood, is married with two kids and gives me a sense of peace and stability every time I see her?
...now I'm going to Sonia's house to have roast chicken for lunch, and define how I'll be working.
2 comments:
There are people who are made to be happy living quietly looking after a house and raising children. I don't think you would be content with that and nothing else; you need to see something of yourself in the world, not in frying pans. You would feel trapped like a bird who cannot fly. Maybe Lucia is happier than you and got what she desires (I wish her she will still be in some years); but you would not, you would miss something. It's something very similar to the problem of small villages: some people are very happy in small towns, with all their friends and a peaceful environment; you would hate it, you need noise and confusion, entertainment and happenings. There is nothing wrong in one way or the other, simply people are made in different ways. Nobody can really change from what he/she is; but you can find your way and what makes your soul satisfied. Spread your wings and don't be afraid.
Un giorno anche tu troverai il tuo nido con casa e figlioli o magari deciderai per il contrario. Guiderai sempre tu la tua vita, deciderai sempre tu del tuo futuro.
Baci Clelia
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